People First, Ego Second

Out of all the professional competencies I possess, there is none that I consider more intuitive and yet more nebulous than interpersonal communication skills.

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The ability to get along with others is an aptitude we’re all presumed to have been taught long before we enter the workforce, our teachers in such matters being our primary caregivers and K-12 instructors. Nevertheless, when we enter professional situations, we’re often confronted by individuals and circumstances that confound what we’ve been taught is appropriate behavior – coworkers who give you the silent treatment without explaining why, supervisors who become angry that you’ve failed to fulfil expectations they didn’t communicate in the first place, the list goes on and on.

For my part, I still struggle with how to handle conflict (and even potential conflict) in the workplace. Does taking charge and delegating tasks for an upcoming project make me bossy or a leader, for example? At what point should I confront a colleague (or worse, a supervisor) about their failure to complete their part of a project? How long should I tolerate being ignored by a coworker whom I’ve emailed multiple times? And, perhaps most importantly, how can I express my hurt and frustration with others in a way that doesn’t negatively affect my relationship with them? At a conceptual level, I understand that such decisions are inextricably dependent upon the people and situations involved; however, this understanding is of little help in the moment, when feelings are often running high amongst all those involved, and the potential for hurt feelings is at its greatest.

To some extent, I wish I could say that my experiences as an intern at William Peace University’s Center for Student Success (hereafter referred to as the CSS) have provided me some opportunity to grapple with such questions and develop more concrete answers to them. However, I’ve been fortunate to neither experience nor even hear of such dilemmas, as everyone in the CSS seems to get along with one another – and the rest of campus, for that matter – wonderfully.

Perhaps this is a happy coincidence of matching personalities, or maybe it’s a consequence of WPU’s much-improved work culture (see my blog post titled “Navigating Office Politics and Transforming Toxic Work Cultures” for details). I suspect, however, that the lack of conflict, both among the CSS staff and between the CSS staff and the rest of campus, is the result of both, in addition to my coworkers’ interpersonal skills.

One of the signs I created at my supervisor's request.

For instance, my supervisor, WPU’s Director of Retention and First Year

Experience, seems to take conflicting viewpoints with a grain of salt. Earlier this semester, for example, she had requested that I create and set up signs encouraging students to maintain a quiet study space on the second floor of WPU’s library. However, one of our colleagues, WPU’s Director of Immersive Learning, thought that the signs were a bit passive aggressive and requested that she remove them. While some might have become annoyed at having their idea critiqued, especially after the idea was seen to fruition, my supervisor took these remarks in stride and immediately took down the signs. And while she conceded to me that she didn’t understand her colleague’s perspective, she nonetheless accepted it, and I’ve never heard her speak of the incident since.

In the grand scheme of things, this particular instance represents but a minor difference in opinion. However, I’ve encountered enough individuals who have and would take up issue with their coworkers under similar circumstances to recognize that my supervisor’s civility and lack of resentment are perfect demonstrations of her interpersonal skills. For her, it would seem that accounting for her colleagues’ opinions and feelings is her utmost priority, and she bears minimal attachment to the ideas and initiatives she possesses and presents to others as a result. The domino effect of this is that my supervisor seems to have little, if any, ego when it comes to going about her work.

I wonder if this is the secret, or at least a secret, to fostering constructive relationships in the workforce. After all, if you aren’t attached to your own ideas and have no sense of ego tied to what you do, you’re presumably more likely to be open to hearing and accommodating others’ perspectives and feelings.

A picture of my supervisor with the peer mentors she oversees and supports.

If anecdotal accounts of my supervisor’s interactions with both student and staff are any indication, that would certainly appear to be the case – everyone loves her. And with a career at WPU spanning several decades, different functional areas (housing, then student life, and finally her current role in first year experience and retention), and institutional restructuring, her longevity is likely a direct consequence of her people skills.

Still, I do ponder how she handles issues such as colleagues failing to do their part on a joint project, or how she responds to the ubiquitous passive aggressive, “per-my-last-email,” message. It’s relatively easy to be kind when others are kind to you; it’s another thing entirely to remain kind and balance your own needs and boundaries when others aren’t. While I can’t say I’ve found the perfect answer or formula for how to deal with these kinds of dilemmas, however, I do nevertheless feel that I’m one step closer, and I look forward to seeing my supervisor’s interpersonal skills in action as my internship continues to progress both this semester and the next. And that, to me, is a win.